Should I Really Get a Divorce?
So: your marriage isn’t working.
You tried counseling. You made an effort to reconnect, and tried giving each other some space. You went out more often. You tried going out less. You went on a vacation together. You spent a weekend apart.
Everything you try seems to improve things for a little while. But in the end, the result is the same. The old, persistent problems that plague your marriage continue to raise their ugly heads.
Nothing seems to help.
Won’t that ruin my life?
Can I afford it?
What about the house?
What about the kids?
Maybe it would be easier to just… tough it out.
… Sound familiar?
Reasons Why People Avoid Divorce
Two underlying reasons often cause unhappy couples to avoid divorce: fear and shame. For example, many statements or explanations about why a spouse does not want to seek divorce begin with, “I’m afraid that I…” or, “What will people say if I…”
The fear that a couple or spouse may feel about divorce generally has to do with “the unknown.” It’s true, going through a divorce involves many practical questions. Depending on the nature of your marriage, you may need to find a new job, a new place to live, a new method of transportation, and so on. Shame can cause you to worry about how your decision will impact your friendships, family relationships, and social standing.
In this situation, it’s easy for couples to convince themselves that it would be easier or better for everyone to just “tough it out” and stay in the marriage. This is particularly true when you have children together.
But the fact is, sometimes it’s best for everyone to accept the fact that the marriage is beyond repair. Instead of fretting about whether you should move forward with the divorce, your energy may be better spent on determining the answers to practical questions. Soon, your fear about your decision will begin to fade as the future becomes more clear.
If children are a factor, there are some important thoughts to keep in mind. With a sensible, reasonable shared custody agreement, an amicable divorce can actually provide a more positive atmosphere for a child than a household filled with arguments and stress. It’s absolutely possible for your ex-spouse to remain an important and positive figure in the life of your children.
Practical details like finances can be a major barrier for couples. Even if you both agree divorce is likely the best choice, even the idea of sitting down and distributing finances and possessions can feel… slimy.
How Can a Divorce Mediator Help?
This is where having the right professional there assisting you is key. While it’s true that divorce is a legal process, no legal requirement says you must hash out the details in a courtroom. An attorney practiced in mediating divorce proceedings can help you and your spouse work in collaboration with each other. Not only can this help avoid the stress and drama of a stuffy legalistic proceeding, but it also allows you to reach a state of agreement much faster.
If you’re considering a divorce and want more information about your options for moving forward, we’d be more than happy to schedule a consultation. Contact us today to learn more.